Dr. Dan Says

PART 1 OF 2

Suicide isn’t easily explained by any means, however it can be usually generalized to a sense of hopelessness — specifically the person has a sense that they no longer have any power (a.k.a. Choices) over the problems in their life. In the case of depression the person’s perceptions are altered in such a way that even things they are able to do are tinted with a sense of hopelessness because they only see how their decisions/actions will fail.

For most people there are things that happen in the world which we truly do not have power to do anything against. In any of these situations (depressed or not) a person starts to feel as though their ability to cope is becoming more and more diminished. If enough of these kinds of experiences begin to build up it becomes possible for even someone who is not normally depressed to begin thinking that there is no options for them to overcome all the problems they are facing. This also applies to only a few key issues or even just one major concern that seems to be insurmountable in how it will have such an extremely negative impact on the person’s life.

Examples of these kinds of situations most common today involve cases of cyber-bullying which lead to bullycide. Bullying tactics applied through internet media can create major social problems, especially for teenagers who are most effected by damage done to their social status amongst their peers … which in turn has dire effects on their self-esteem and self-worth. Specifically in cases of teens and adults with limited income there is an even greater sense of desperation because they have the least amount of personal power in their lives — for teens that means freedom from adult control to make their own decisions and for low income families that means the expendable income necessary to do what’s needed.

The key thing for the people left behind to remember is that suicide in no way reflects on them! If anything it shows concern for those people who the person loved. You see, a person with depression only sees how their lives are bringing down the people around them — they only see how they are negatively effecting the people in their life who they care about.

The most extreme explanation of this concept I’ve hear came from an old farmer I knew in Saskatchewan who was raised in the 1930′s. He had the attitude that people who commit suicide should be shown respect for their courage (which often shocks people to find out some people actually think that way) — in his eyes it took a lot of guts to overcome human nature’s basic instinct for survival in order to do what, in those days, was considered to be ‘the right thing’ … much like the samurai of feudal Japan, dishonoring one’s children by burdening them with bad family reputation or, in the case of the dirty 30′s, an inability to survive was unthinkable.

Whatever way you choose to view suicide, whether you agree with the person or not, the most important thing to keep in mind is that in their perception it did seem like the best option (or, more likely, the only option) available. Similar in comparison you can almost think of it like a head-on car collision — if a person was driving down the highway at 100 kph and suddenly an oncoming truck blew a tire and lost control, crossing the center line and swerving into their lane … in that moment of decision the person could turn the wheel either right or left to try and avoid the huge truck barreling towards them, but it’s a split second decision with no thought about the future beyond a second or two … is there a right or wrong answer? No.

Although it’s true that dodging to the correct side may save the person’s life the truth is that they will make the best decision they can in that one moment in time … and if that choice leads to death then everyone left behind will simply mourn the loss of their loved one without placing judgment on that person’s choice of twisting the wheel the wrong way. The choice of suicide is no different — it’s a decision made without clear forethought of the future, only focusing on a limited perception of the now — whether the person turns the wheel towards a friend or family member and asks for help or they turn down the dead end road of life; either way it’s not useful to judge them for making a ‘bad’ choice … they simply made a decision without a clear perception of what to do or where to go.

Related posts:

1. Why didn’t anyone stop daddy from killing himself?
2. Why people need religion.